According to an article in the Journal of Medical Necessity, there are undiscovered health benefits from owning and displaying at least 14 different Star Trek action figures.
Dr. Adolph Von Feltcher reports that according to a four year study conducted by the Minnesota Dairy Council, individuals who collected and displayed the figures lived, on an average, of 12 years longer than the group displaying placebo figures, that is, action figures such as Star Wars or Ninja Turtles. The control group also had 4.7 less days per year absence from work or school due to illness.
When asked about the result of the studies, Dr. Feltcher commented "We don't really understand the mechanism behind this phenomena, but suspect it has something to do with what we now call the Kirk/Picard factor, since collections devoid of either of these two captains were deemed incomplete and had a high FAIL rate when compared across the board."
Further studies are upcoming.
May 19, 2009
February 23, 2008
The Doom Of Being Employed
If you are lucky enough to not have to wear a tie to work (the ultimate symbol of servitude as it offers your superiors easy access to strangle you), you are still unlucky enough to have to work at all.
Groomed to be a cog in the industrial-military-entertainment complex that is the amurikin workforce, the carrot of glittering things and the possibility of having a few years at the end of it all in which to try to recover only to have any savings wiped out by the medical establishment seems to be the lot of most everyone.
The few lucky ones to escape through disfiguring disabilities or dependence upon other unfortunate taxpayers can look forward to a life punctuated by daytime network television and daily (if you're lucky) diaper changes.
Doomed. So very doomed!
Groomed to be a cog in the industrial-military-entertainment complex that is the amurikin workforce, the carrot of glittering things and the possibility of having a few years at the end of it all in which to try to recover only to have any savings wiped out by the medical establishment seems to be the lot of most everyone.
The few lucky ones to escape through disfiguring disabilities or dependence upon other unfortunate taxpayers can look forward to a life punctuated by daytime network television and daily (if you're lucky) diaper changes.
Doomed. So very doomed!
February 9, 2008
Political Doom
We are indeed doomed.
Just the fact that we are in a position where we have to elect suited dimwits into office to lord over us and wreck our meager lives is reason enough.
Under the guise of freedom, we operate within a democracy of idiocy where the critical mass of the lowest common denominator holds sway. Majorities can be a horrible thing when misinformed, brainwashed fear driven droid clones make up a good 99.9 per cent of humanity.
The system isn't just broken, it has been a stillborn defective fetid mistake from the very point where it was but a gleam in the eye of some faceless tin god.
The fact that I have nothing to offer but to point and moan that we are indeed doomed adds nothing at all, only reinforcing my original premise.
Don't forget to vote now, y'here?
Just the fact that we are in a position where we have to elect suited dimwits into office to lord over us and wreck our meager lives is reason enough.
Under the guise of freedom, we operate within a democracy of idiocy where the critical mass of the lowest common denominator holds sway. Majorities can be a horrible thing when misinformed, brainwashed fear driven droid clones make up a good 99.9 per cent of humanity.
The system isn't just broken, it has been a stillborn defective fetid mistake from the very point where it was but a gleam in the eye of some faceless tin god.
The fact that I have nothing to offer but to point and moan that we are indeed doomed adds nothing at all, only reinforcing my original premise.
Don't forget to vote now, y'here?
February 2, 2008
North Korean Doom Archive Post
The end of the world crept just a bit closer today when it was announced that Kim Il Jong's Daffy Duck collection was missing a vital and unaired epsiode that was shelved in the Warner Brothers archives in Los Angeles.
"I must have it!" Jong complained bitterly... "My life is worthless without it!"
Insiders confirm that the entire North Korea arsenal is now on a fast track to ensure the deranged leader either aquires the long lost episode 'or else'. Jong was overheard to say "If I can't have it, no one will!" The North Korean leader owns the worlds largest and most complete collection of Daffy Duck cartoons.
North Korea, branded as one of the countries on the axis of evil list by fellow cartoon G. W. Bush has a long standing tradition of defiance and name calling towards the United Snakes. When asked if the Daffy Duck episode would be delivered to the North Korean leader, Bush shook his fists and exclaimed, "Over your dead bodies!" to the group of reporters and media gathered in the White House briefing room.
It is not known to what extent a nuclear confrontation would affect the North American continent, but experts estimate the entire west coast could well be toast if the worst comes to pass. Warner Brothers animators were hard at work at producing a facsimilie of the lost episode but their plans were cut short when Jong discovered their plot. "There can be no substitute" Jong whined. "No forgery will suffice for great dishonor will befall the owner of the counterfeit cartoon."
"To see Mr. Daffy blown up again and again yet still live gives me great hope and laughter."
American citizens were a bit less humored, especially since it was announced that the North Korean leader couldn't wait to see "Just how big a boom" his weapons could make.
It has been rumored that the prized episode will soon be moved to a secured location in an underground bunker so that Dick Cheney could enjoy watching it if the worst came to worse..
"I must have it!" Jong complained bitterly... "My life is worthless without it!"
Insiders confirm that the entire North Korea arsenal is now on a fast track to ensure the deranged leader either aquires the long lost episode 'or else'. Jong was overheard to say "If I can't have it, no one will!" The North Korean leader owns the worlds largest and most complete collection of Daffy Duck cartoons.
North Korea, branded as one of the countries on the axis of evil list by fellow cartoon G. W. Bush has a long standing tradition of defiance and name calling towards the United Snakes. When asked if the Daffy Duck episode would be delivered to the North Korean leader, Bush shook his fists and exclaimed, "Over your dead bodies!" to the group of reporters and media gathered in the White House briefing room.
It is not known to what extent a nuclear confrontation would affect the North American continent, but experts estimate the entire west coast could well be toast if the worst comes to pass. Warner Brothers animators were hard at work at producing a facsimilie of the lost episode but their plans were cut short when Jong discovered their plot. "There can be no substitute" Jong whined. "No forgery will suffice for great dishonor will befall the owner of the counterfeit cartoon."
"To see Mr. Daffy blown up again and again yet still live gives me great hope and laughter."
American citizens were a bit less humored, especially since it was announced that the North Korean leader couldn't wait to see "Just how big a boom" his weapons could make.
It has been rumored that the prized episode will soon be moved to a secured location in an underground bunker so that Dick Cheney could enjoy watching it if the worst came to worse..
February 1, 2008
Certain Doom
We are soft squishy meat palaces living in a universe filled with fire and sharp pointy things.
If that were not enough, we also find ourselves facing killer asteroids, gamma ray bursts, crazed gunmen, disease carrying insects, psychopathic neighbors, avian flu, poison food and water, stockholders, hormone enhanced contaminated meat, e. coli, tsunamis, volcanic fumes, tremors, reality tv, republicans, fascism, nano-goo, chemtrails, tofu, boom-box cars, speeding trains, nuclear weapons, radon, the AMA, lead paint, Morgellans disease, mad cow, mad elk, aliens, instant coffee, aids, toxic vaccines, hurricanes, rock-snot, infomercials, razor blades, vampires, religion, sleeper agents, typhoons, black holes, sinkholes, a-holes, slippery floors, muggers, buggers, pressurized cheese, olestra, cancer, aspartame, trans-fats, bald tires, EMF, cell phone towers, oil cartels, wars, leprosy, STD's, FDA, CIA, JDL, LSMFT, FDS, TGIF, overpopulation, deforestation, erosion, rectal fissures, free radicals, Rush Limbaugh, low self esteem, turncoats, traitors, tarantulas, zombies, salmonella, bio-weapons, intestinal gas, hospitals, waterboards, gout, the vatican, McDonalds, immigrants, mental illness, xenophobes, red tide, oil spills, tumors, electrocution, clogged arteries, stubbed toes, hair loss, PCB's, leg cramps, hypothermia, dandruff, wrathful godz, acid reflux, road rage, .... I could go on, yet, perhaps it would be best to pick a single item and expound upon its doom-filled ramifications. I will do just that, if the grim reaper will allow me just one more last gasp...
If that were not enough, we also find ourselves facing killer asteroids, gamma ray bursts, crazed gunmen, disease carrying insects, psychopathic neighbors, avian flu, poison food and water, stockholders, hormone enhanced contaminated meat, e. coli, tsunamis, volcanic fumes, tremors, reality tv, republicans, fascism, nano-goo, chemtrails, tofu, boom-box cars, speeding trains, nuclear weapons, radon, the AMA, lead paint, Morgellans disease, mad cow, mad elk, aliens, instant coffee, aids, toxic vaccines, hurricanes, rock-snot, infomercials, razor blades, vampires, religion, sleeper agents, typhoons, black holes, sinkholes, a-holes, slippery floors, muggers, buggers, pressurized cheese, olestra, cancer, aspartame, trans-fats, bald tires, EMF, cell phone towers, oil cartels, wars, leprosy, STD's, FDA, CIA, JDL, LSMFT, FDS, TGIF, overpopulation, deforestation, erosion, rectal fissures, free radicals, Rush Limbaugh, low self esteem, turncoats, traitors, tarantulas, zombies, salmonella, bio-weapons, intestinal gas, hospitals, waterboards, gout, the vatican, McDonalds, immigrants, mental illness, xenophobes, red tide, oil spills, tumors, electrocution, clogged arteries, stubbed toes, hair loss, PCB's, leg cramps, hypothermia, dandruff, wrathful godz, acid reflux, road rage, .... I could go on, yet, perhaps it would be best to pick a single item and expound upon its doom-filled ramifications. I will do just that, if the grim reaper will allow me just one more last gasp...
January 31, 2008
Not As It Seems... it's WORSE
Ok, so things seem pretty bad.
The world teeters at the brink of oblivion while the masses drink from the holy grail of numbness in a vain attempt to avoid the certain doom which awaits just around the corner.
Life has become a turgid tumble through the sewer of existence for most, limbs flailing in a futile attempt to keep ones head above the fetid foam of filth swirling in the toilet of time.
Yes, things seem pretty bad, but in reality... it's worse. Much worse.
Let's examine the situation as it really is, keeping one eye on the doom-meter which is pegged on 'severe' and the other on the storm clouds massing on the horizon. I think you'll agree that it will be over soon. Very soon.
The world teeters at the brink of oblivion while the masses drink from the holy grail of numbness in a vain attempt to avoid the certain doom which awaits just around the corner.
Life has become a turgid tumble through the sewer of existence for most, limbs flailing in a futile attempt to keep ones head above the fetid foam of filth swirling in the toilet of time.
Yes, things seem pretty bad, but in reality... it's worse. Much worse.
Let's examine the situation as it really is, keeping one eye on the doom-meter which is pegged on 'severe' and the other on the storm clouds massing on the horizon. I think you'll agree that it will be over soon. Very soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
